When you love somebody from the bottom of your heart, it is very difficult to stay away from them for a single second. You always want to spend the maximum time with them and to enjoy every bit of the quality time that you have. Couples in love always wish to stay close to each other so that they can catch up whenever and wherever they want. But some couples are not that fortunate to meet every day and to spend quality time with each other. The people in a long distance work very hard to carry their relationship forward.
The long distance relationships have to maintain high level of trust and loyalty towards each other so that the relationship goes on smoothly. The problems faced by the couple in a long distance relationship are similar to that of the pain in heart wrenching breakups. But what keep these love birds attached are the love and the urge to meet each other on some vacations or trips. For them, distance is just a number and it cannot lessen the love they have for one another.
It is always seen that the people in a long distance relationship are always hanging onto their phones in order to stay in touch with their loved ones. But according to the dating experts, the distance is not the major factor that is responsible for the problems between couples in a long distance relationship. The problem arises when you face differences in expectations from your relationships as compared to the reality of your current condition. The gap between expectations and reality of your relationship is the major reason behind all problems faced by couples in a long distance relation.
According to the love gurus, the problems that are associated with a long distance relationship can be categorized into three major sections based upon the cause of the problem –
- Communication Problems
Communication is a must in order to maintain any relationship and much necessary is to ensure that it is an efficient communication. In a long distance relationship, there are major chances of having miscommunication which can result in severe problems and pain to both the ends. Communication is not just limited to words but also to the way you express them. And this is where the long distance relationships lag behind. They are not able to see each other and are not even able to understand the expression over phone calls or texts messages. You don’t get enough chances to have physical interaction or touches, like holding hands, warm bear hugs, kisses and cuddling sessions. Words cannot always be the only means to reassure the other one that you are always with them. Sometimes gestures do it more than words ever can. The couple in a long distance needs high level of commitment to stick with each other and love immensely despite of all problems.
- The difference in the time zones. When you live in the same country, time zone is not much of a problem but for the couples that are seven seas away from each other have to suffer through these issues. They don’t have the same schedules and have to work hard to manage time for each other. They particularly have to fix a time for each other best suitable for both. It may happen sometime that the couple lacks in recollecting all the information of each other’s routines and daily activities. A high time managing and organization skill, as well as, immense trust is necessary.
- Inconsistency in the mode of conversation. Different person prefer different style of communication depending upon their suitability and mood. Generally, men tend to chat whereas women give preference to talking. This can create some problems between the long distance couples. Both the parts have to agree upon a common mode of communication which is comfortable and easy to handle. This will reduce the chances of disputes between the couple.
- Disparity between the primary love languages. When two people are away from each other and are always connected through chats or calls, words play an important role at this point of time. The correct use of words can help to create a stronger bond and can also avoid disputes. There can be misunderstandings related to the incorrect use of words which may cause troubles in your love life. The adaptation process between the couples in a long distance relationship towards an effective means of communication is very important and it can take some time in the initial days.
- Long distance relationships are highly dependent on technology. The technology is one such double edged sword which on one hand helps them to stay connected and in touch with each other all the time, but at the other hand, when the real conversations matter, the virtual world swallows it all up. The couples in a long distance relationship are so much involved into the technology that the essence is lost when the real sharing becomes important. The people in long distance relationships tend to love and hate the use of technology simultaneously.
- Misunderstanding in a long distance communication. Whenever you text or call your partner, you are not able to judge their expression, which can sometimes makes the communication misleading and causes problems. Effective communication is hampered over texts and calls. One cannot understand the tone of the other person over a text and thus misinterpretation of the messages is a very common thing between long distance couples.
- Psychological Problems
The physical separation has a major impact on your mental health. The couples entering into a long distance relationship have an emotional imbalance which becomes very daunting challenge for them to overcome. These situations are major cause of the psychological problems in a long distance relationship. The emotional imbalance and psychological problems makes you question about the working efficiency of a long distance relationship. But keep the trust on your partner high and show them your love every single time you talk or meet. Everything will become normal after some time.
- You tend to feel lonely at times. In the initial days of getting separated, it becomes extremely difficult to stay away from each other. You feel a pain in your chest and the urge to run and go to your partner. You are all alone at a different place and your partner is also not present around you. Avoiding going into the pith of the loneliness is a battle that you have to fight alone. It is a common situation that most of the people in a long distance relationship face every now and then. You do realize that there is large distance gap between you two and there is long time when you can actually get to see them personally makes the situation more overwhelming.
- One tends to go into depression. When the individuals are consumed up by the loneliness and they do not want to interact with anyone around them, depression creeps in slightly without any notice. The loneliness eats up all your mental health and makes way for the depression to set in. The inconsistency in the situations in your head and in the reality causes the long distance couples to get depressed easily. Getting into a long distance is as painful as breaking up with someone. The long term effects of depression can be saddening on the mental health of individuals and their relationship.
- You tend to get anxious all the time. Anxiety is a very strong emotion that is almost impossible to be dealt alone. It can arise due to various intrinsic as well as extrinsic factors. Intrinsic factors may include one’s trust level, emotional instability, behavior, etc. whereas extrinsic factors includes the frequency of your communication with the partner, the frequency of interaction of your partner with people of opposite sex can lead to anxiety.
- Insecurity. Despite the high trust levels and love for each other, insecurity creeps in out of nowhere into a long distance relationship. Insecurity can lead to jealousy and excessive obsession. It creates major problems in the relationship leading to fights. The failure in dealing with the natural situations of your partner having conversation with someone of opposite sex is a major reason for insecurity. Insecurity causes emotional damage to both the ends.
- Uncertainty. The couples in a long distance relationship become uncertain about the future of the relation and also about each other. Fights and conflicts can make the situation even worse. This uncertainty puts strain on the bonding between the couples which soon shed down if not taken care of properly. For a long distance relationship to work, it is important that you both are certain about the future of your bond and have mutually set goals for your future. Being in a relation which have no destined goal for future creates unhealthy environment and poison the relationship in long run.
- Relationship Problems
Love comes with its own complications into the life of the people. It is never smooth when you are in a relationship. Everyone have their share of relationship issues which can be sorted out together. But what makes these relationship problems worse for the long distance couples is their inability to meet and talk it out to each other.
- Chances of drifting apart from each other. This is generally seen within the couples in a long distance relationship that they tend to drift away from the commitment. They are so much into their separate lives that the feeling of being in a commitment becomes negligible. Their routines become completely different and they lead a life equivalent to a single person. It is important for the couples to lead a separate life along with the balance maintained in their commitment as well. Maintenance of this balance is necessary for the couples in a long distance so as to prevent the possibility of growing apart. In the long run, when the balance is not maintained and the problems arises, the couples consider getting separated than staying together despite of the fact that they love each other very much.
- The problems arising due to dependence. The long distance relationship are generally either too much dependent or not at all. The couples stay far away from each other and can have a completely separate life and routine showing very little identity of a couple. According to the book Marriage and Family written by a sociology professor, Dr. Kenneth J. Davidson, a relationship have either of the three frames – First, A Frame, which described the individual being completely dependent on each other; Second, H Frame, where the couples are completely independent and lack the identity of a relationship; whereas the Third, M Frame, is known to have maintained the balance between dependence and independence. Couples fall maximally into the A Frame or H Frame when they stay apart from each other for long. This can result into some serious relationship problems in the long run.
- The inability of the couple to get physically intimate. Physical touches are important to develop a stronger bond and a much stronger trust level. It also helps the couple to assure that they love each other without even sharing any words. Holding hands, kisses, hugs, cuddling in the bed, etc. all of these are of so much importance in a relationship. No physical interaction with your partner makes you crave for intimacy from someone else which can be a major issue in a long distance relationship. Thus, monogamy becomes impossible in such cases.
- The absence of substantial support. All that matter in a relationship is the presence and absence of your other half in the important events of your life. Be it the times of happiness or sadness, the presence of your partner in those times gives you the tangible support which is utmost important. Even if you stay connected through technology all the time but the physical presence of the partner by your side is always lacking. Some situations demand the presence of your partner physically, which cannot be compensated even by the technology.
- Fights that are stretched beyond limits. There’s always this situation in every romantic relationship at some point of time when you spit out words that are just too much hurtful to the other person. Though these words are said in anger and anguish but the effect of it on the other person is heart shattering. And for a long distance relationship, the effect is multiplied several times. These fights are the real test of a relationship and you feel like ending everything up when it gets too much stretched. Those hurtful words can also create a gap between two people which is hard to bridge.
It is important that you both resolve the issues as soon as they creeps in. bottling up the situations can be very dangerous in any relationship, and for a long distance relationship, it can be catastrophic. Build a high level of trust, respect and love towards each other. Nothing is impossible and developing long distance relationships into a happily ever after will require efforts from both the ends.